Social Anxiety

Written By: Richard Hutchins, CD

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Anxiety is a common diagnosis in our current age. It can come in a variety of levels, which can impact your life in several ways. People with severe social anxiety can have limited friends. It can make you feel completely isolated, prevent you from being able to work, or even cause you to drop out of school at an early age, affecting your future prospects and opportunities, setting you on a roller coaster ride that can be hard to get out of.

Milder forms of social anxiety are far more common. Mild anxiety can result in something as simple as having lonely evenings or a constant feeling of frustration, which can lead to missing out on opportunities and achievements. However, there is a lot you can do.

Anxiety is a Normal Response

Anxiety is a normal response to danger. The body and mind prepare themselves to face the danger they perceive are going to happen by producing adrenaline. Adrenaline is very useful; without it, we can’t perform at our best. However, too much adrenaline can cause problems.

Anxiety can be caused by many factors, such as being humiliated at an early age. Anxiety also tends to run in families. Certain genes create an overly sensitive system that can be triggered by many factors. Anxiety can be triggered by any number of factors, right when you least expect it. A simple family gathering can cause a flare-up of anxiety. This can ruin opportunities, social get-togethers, or spark arguments. 

Anxiety is Not Reality

The most important thing to remember is anxiety isn’t reality. Yes, having anxiety is real and can be very damaging to people’s health and wellbeing. Anxiety thrives on thoughts running through your head, it exaggerates danger, creates extreme negatives, and makes you think ‘that won’t happen.' However, because you’re thinking them, your mind is elsewhere, and you are unable to perform to your best abilities. The type of thoughts it can create are, “I feel nervous. I can’t pull this off. This meeting isn’t going to go well. I am going to be a bag of nerves on this zoom call.”  This just sows the seeds for the full-on anxiety attack, cold sweats, racing heart, shaking, a sudden urge to use the toilet, and other symptoms.

Thinking this way is a habit. I can honestly say I have been there. It was destroying my life. It controlled me. It got to the point where I could not face people. I would not pick up the phone in fear of rejection or confrontation. But I started to read books about successful businessmen and women around the world, this started to give me confidence, so I started to read more. I then started to listen to YouTube videos. This helped me change my thinking process and put me on the road to recovery. 

I started to make notes of every situation that brought on a rush of adrenaline, that created anxiety. Once I became aware of the situations that caused me anxiety, they could then be addressed one at a time. Slowly, I built confidence to enable me to handle these better.

Anxiety causes you to think about reality negatively, rather than positively. The reality is, you are not going to sound incompetent at the meeting, you are going to be you, and you are going to smash it. The presentation you must give to sell products isn’t going to be a disaster, it is going to be a success. Anxiety likes to get you thinking the worst will happen, a complete distortion of reality. The reality is, at the end of anything, we will always say I was worried for nothing, it went well. Anxiety likes to present itself in many forms, controlling this is the key to a better future. 

The feeling of anxiety and the feeling of excitement are very similar. Once you begin to feel you are getting anxious, a downward spiral kicks in and a full-on anxiety attack could develop. The moment it starts, try to think of it as a feeling of excitement, a feeling that something good is going to happen, and the thought process and feelings inside will change, helping keep the anxiety at bay.

Breath Control to Help Anxiety

Once anxiety starts, it can build to the point where it becomes uncontrollable. Learning to control anxiety through breathing is a great method. Begin by learning to breathe deeply and slowly from the abdomen. Next, slow your breathing to around eight breaths per minute. Make sure your abdomen is flat and breathe out through your nose to a count of four. As you inhale, your abdomen should rise. 

You can practice this while lying in bed before you go to sleep. This can help the anxiety issue on waking in the morning or through the night. Try it while sitting and standing as well.

When you feel anxious, and an attack starts to happen, take note of your breathing, and then follow the above to help gain control of your breathing, slowing it down to get it under control again. Learning this method of breathing can help to gain control of your anxiety.

Shift Your Focus

Shifting your focus on anxiety is important. Anxiety works from the inside out. It makes you worry; your hands start shaking, your heart starts racing, you may begin sweating. Negative thoughts can increase your anxiety, so the moment any of this begins, try to focus on the positive to counteract the negatives.

When presenting your business, try to focus on the job at hand. Begin by focusing on key points within your sales pitch. This will help give you confidence, as you are talking about your passion. It’s the same as trying to mingle at a party. Sometimes this can be hard, but focus on your strong points.

If you find that focusing on the positives isn’t having any effect then try to focus on a neutral situation, like the color of the walls, carpets, or even the color of the clothing of the people that you are talking to. This helps shift the focus of anxiety and can allow you to return to the business at hand and continue.

Embrace Awkwardness

Some things are worth doing, even if it means suffering some awkwardness while you’re doing them. Your mind will go into defense mode while you are feeling unpleasant about a situation. While feeling this way is staggering, what you achieve can have a counter effect on anxiety. This will make you feel a lot better about yourself, that you have handled the situation well and achieved something you didn’t think you could.

Life doesn’t always go the way we want it to. We all must face our fears and overcome obstacles. Not everyone will like you, not everyone will approve of your actions. In life, we must often ‘go with the flow’ and accept what is presented to us.